


Who You Gonna Call

by misura



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Fluff, Haunted Mansion Except No Ghosts Show Up So, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28296543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Alex and Henry explore a haunted mansion. Because apparently that's 100% a thing British royals do.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 10
Kudos: 38
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Who You Gonna Call

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pressdbtwnpages](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pressdbtwnpages/gifts).



"Ghosts," Alex repeats, certain Henry is pulling his leg here.

Henry shrugs. "We'd normally send in a virgin, but, well, since both our schedules were wide open this weekend, Bea figured why not send us instead."

Alex isn't sure what line of inquiry to pursue first: the suggestion that British royals also function as ghostbusters on the side, or the extremely unfunny joke that their schedules are ever 'wide open'.

So he goes for the third option: "Why a virgin? Is the ghost a unicorn?" Alex isn't sure he wants to spend the weekend in a house haunted by a unicorn.

"Tradition?" Henry says, sounding dubious. Over the past year, Alex has discovered that even Henry has a lot more respect for 'tradition' than Alex feels really warranted. Or healthy.

On the other hand, Henry's not the one who'll be spending another night sharing his bedroom with a pair of murderous turkeys this Thanksgiving, so Alex is willing to concede that not all traditions are bad, even though he's still working on a plan to make sure that next year, his bedroom will remain blissfully turkey-free. (His first idea, to increase the number of turkeys pardoned in exchange for lowering the quality of their accommodations did not test well with focus groups.)

"It could be a - " Henry coughs " - a result of royals usually being, you know. Not having a very active social life."

"Tell that to the tabloids," Alex says, though he gets what Henry's getting at here. "So just so we're clear, we're going to be able to ghost-bust perfectly fine even in spite of our impure minds?"

"Speak for yourself," Henry says. "My mind is as pure as the driven snow."

"Having seen what y'all consider snow here, I'm not impressed," Alex says.

"To be honest, I'm not even sure there's an actual ghost," Henry admits. "More likely it's nothing more than kids playing a prank, or maybe an international gang of smugglers, or a secret magical society bent on world domination. You know, small stuff."

"Cool. I eat secret magical societies bent on world domination for breakfast." Alex reminds himself they have bodyguards. And Henry's probably right about it being kids. And international gangs of smugglers surely would pick a more convenient base of operations than a neglected and frankly somewhat shabby looking royal residence in the middle of nowhere.

"Personally, I prefer a cup of tea and assorted baked goods."

"Well, we can't all be as awesome as me," Alex says. His last dozen breakfasts have mostly involved reports, reports and more reports. Thus, when Bea suggested he and Henry do some ghost-busting, the only question Alex asked was 'why not?', mostly because kissing her feet in gratitude seemed a bit uncool.

In hindsight, he doesn't think she was fooled. Bea's spent a lot of time hanging out with June and Norah, and while Alex is all in favor of improving international relations, he sometimes gets the feeling that one of these days, he's going to find himself outnumbered and ganged up on.

Happily, he's sure Henry's always going to be on his side. Fairly sure. Almost sure.

"Indeed," Henry says, though Alex has already forgotten what it is Henry's agreeing with. He prefers to think Henry's read his mind and that this 'indeed' is a direct response to Alex's deepest, darkest thoughts. "Anyway, the plan's simply for us to spend the weekend here, have a thorough look around, check for secret entrances, tunnels, that sort of thing."

"Is there a basement?" Alex is sure there is. He's less sure if he wants to go there right now, while it's already evening, and dark outside. It's not that he's a coward; it's that he's a sensible human being who's seen more than one horror movie in his life and while Alex is sure ghosts don't exist, well, why take the risk?

"Wine cellars," Henry says, sounding vaguely embarrassed. "Two."

Alex isn't sure why people even have one wine cellar, let alone more than one. "All right, I vote we save those for last. We can start upstairs, work our way down, what do you think?"

"I think going down sounds like an excellent idea."

On the one hand, a bit of Henry going down goes a long way, and far be it from Alex to stand in the way of that. On the other hand: "What about the whole virgin thing? I mean, I'm not saying let's not have sex again ever, but ... maybe we should take it easy for now?"

Henry gives him a look that's 75% amusement and 25% also amusement. "Don't tell me you're scared."

"We're in a haunted mansion," Alex defends himself.

Henry rolls his eyes. "I told you, it's almost certainly nothing."

"Almost," Alex says. He's a bit surprised himself. He didn't think he was this superstitious. There's something about this house, though. It's old and creaky and there are smells. It's not Alex's fault he feels a bit unsettled.

Henry smiles a crooked smile. "Dare you to visit the basement right now."

Alex rolls his eyes. "Please. How old are you? At least make it worth my while." Now that sounds like fun, actually. Not so much the basement - or, excuse him, wine cellars, but, well, having a better reason for doing it than 'to prove myself a manly man' sounds pretty good.

"You might discover a secret sex dungeon," Henry says, laughing at Alex with his eyes. "Imagine."

"Gross." It's not that Alex disapproves of sex dungeons, it's more that any sex dungeon in this house is going to be unhygienic and smell terrible and basically function as a sad testament to days long gone.

"You might find a decent bottle of wine," Henry amends.

"Or we could eat Cornettos and watch Netflix on my tablet." The kitchen, at least, is reasonably modern, which is to say there's a working fridge and freezer, which means Cornettos. "Shaun of the Dead?" It's part of the 'Cornetto trilogy', so Alex feels this is a particularly clever suggestion.

Henry's expression suggests he does not agree.

"Look, either there are no ghosts and hitting the basement is going to be a waste of both our times, or there is a ghost, and it's waiting for a chance to get one of us alone so that it can do terrible ghost things to us." Alex keeps meaning to watch the recent Ghostbusters, but he hasn't gotten around to it just yet. "Either way, getting a good night's rest and starting fresh tomorrow is the right call."

"All right," Henry says. "If you want to be a chicken, who am I to deny you?"

"For the last time, I'm not ten. I'm acting like a sensible human being. Unlike certain other people I could mention." Alex wonders if he should dare _Henry_ to search for secret sex dungeons or a decent bottle of wine, but it feels too much like conceding the moral high ground.

Besides, if anything happened to Henry, Alex would never forgive himself.


End file.
